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    It's the most frightening thing in the world
    It's the scariest sight I've ever seen
    The most chilling visual
    The most terrifying scene
    It's awful, it's crappy, it's monstrous, it's bad

    It's really really huge
    It's a fat man in a Speedo
    I'm walking on a beach in a tropical isle
    Hoping to enjoy the sand and surf
    When I see a mound of baby-oiled flesh
    Rolling and a broiling in the foam

    The only thing that's holding this
    Explosion of Caucasian is
    A tiny red synthetic coloured thread
    I try to sink it in the sand

    And entomb it in a castle but
    It always manages to break free
    The fat man in a Speedo
    I'm having nightmares

    I'm scared to open my eyes
    I try to free myself
    By going to the buffet
    But there he is

    He even eats in his Speedo
    I take up a collection at the bar the next day
    And everybody gives to the cause
    To rent a helicopter that will take this whale

    To Cuba and free the horizon from his bulk
    We have a celebration
    In one of his indentations
    And throw a bowl of jello in the air

    We think we've escaped and our scenery is clear
    But in comes a plane from Germany
    Thirty fat German men wearing Speedos!

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