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    Well my baby came at me with a 2x4
    So I fought her off with sandpaper
    It was 60 grit, it was really rough
    And it made a lot of sawdust

    But we patched things up with love and glue
    We went to the church and said "I do"
    Our honeymoon was at a hardware store
    Our love's a lot like particle board

    Particle Board, it ain't got no grain
    Unless you paint it with a darkwood stain
    Particle Board, it doesn't take no brains to know that
    Our love's a lot like particle board

    Well I heard the train come rolling by
    With cattle on board, so we decided
    We should drop everything and hop that train
    And take a one-way trip to the slaughterhouse

    Well we stared at the cattle as they took the walk
    To meet the man who worked the saw
    We stared at the blood and the guts and the gore
    It looked an awful lot like particle board

    Particle Board, it ain't got no grain
    Unless you paint it with a darkwood stain
    Particle Board, it doesn't take no brains to know that
    Our love's a lot like particle board

    We made love on a flat bed truck
    She worried about getting splinters in her butt
    I said don't think about those problems when we rut
    The deck's made of particle board

    Ahh, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

    Particle board, you could make a dresser
    Or a shelf or a hutch or an ottoman
    You could leave it like it is or paint it up
    It's still gonna be made of particle board
    Particle board, it's useful stuff
    It's stronger than glue, it's better than fluff
    It sounds like a simile and that's enough
    To say that our love's a lot like particle board

    Our love's a lot like particle board
    Our love's a lot like particle board
    Our love's a lot like particle board

    Ahh, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
    Particle Board!

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