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    Open my eyes, what a beautiful day
    Just the type that makes me want to say hooray
    I'm still a little fuzzy-headed from my sleep
    Into my brain reality seeps
    Look all around me, can't believe what i see
    These little short people are surrounding me
    I've got a white beard, a suit made of red
    My soul becomes filled with a keen sense of dread

    Oh god, i'm santa claus
    Oh god, i'm santa claus
    Oh god, i'm santa claus
    Oh god, i'm santa claus

    Hop out of bed, kick an elf in the chest
    What an awful way to awake from a rest
    "santa, oh, santa," the little gnomes cheer
    "you shouldn't be nasty at this time of year!"
    "what do you mean?" i say in a rage
    "and what are you doing with those big burlap bags?"
    The elves they do roar, "why their full of toys
    For you to deliver to the good girls and boys."

    Oh god, i'm santa claus
    Oh god, i'm santa claus
    Oh god, i'm santa claus
    Oh god, i'm santa claus

    Resigned to my fate, i load up the sleigh
    Harness the reindeer and get under way
    It's nippy up here in the cool arctic sky
    Good thing i remembered that bottle of rye
    Flying over rooftops, throwing out toys
    Hopefully crushing those good girls and boys
    Like a bad dream, i pray for release
    Please let this hellish existence be ceased!

    Oh god, i'm santa claus
    Oh god, i'm santa claus
    Oh god, i'm santa claus
    Oh god, i'm santa claus

    From this nightmare i finally awake
    My brain is on fire, my hands they do shake
    But wait, they're not hands, they're cute little paws
    I'm the easter bunny, i'm not santa claus!

    Oh god, i'm the easter bunny
    Oh god, i 'm easter bunny
    Oh god, i'm easter bunny
    Oh god, i'm easter bunny

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